THE INFINITE CONTAINER OF THE SPIRIT-MIND

Notes on the workshop in Washington, May 3 and 4, 2007

Facilitated by Bert Hellinger and Maria Sophie Hellinger

Organized by Susan Ulfelder and the Hellinger Institute, DC

Bert Hellinger closed the Maryland workshop with some words about the future. Prompted by conversations about what has happened to the bees and about Iraq and about what we as a species have done to the planet, he considered the place of fear as we think about how we go on. He offered not words of consolation or mournfulness or empty positive-ness, but of respect and anticipation: “I simply say, ‘please.’ And then I continue, ‘Reveal yourself, I am ready.’”

So ended the two-day workshop with Bert Hellinger and Maria Sophie Hellinger. To whom or what was the closing sentence directed? Like a butterfly lifting from the petal of a flower, the words were given wings and whispered into the ether of what Hellinger calls the Spirit-Mind. And while a group of us gathered outside to say goodbye and to give and receive last hugs, our conversation immediately slipped back to the topic of the continued evolution of Hellinger’s work. Those of us who teach wanted to know: How does one define the Spirit-Mind?

Well, the answer came easily upon waking the following morning: One doesn’t define the Spirit-Mind, it defines us.

Having said that, I might be able to end this piece here. After all, this conceptualization puts many things – perhaps everything -- in right order simply by virtue of its magnitude. But, as this large idea settles into the smaller places where it lives, Constellations take shape in my mind against its backdrop. What exactly does this new work look like? How do we see it as being different from Hellinger’s earlier work? How do we explain it to others, to ourselves?

Going over the images that stay with me from the Maryland workshop, some of the more familiar ones seem to move within the realms of the personal and systemic conscience. These might be understood as being within the parameters of classic Family Constellations or the broader Movements of the Soul. They are understandable from the outside, emanating from and contributing to the systemic dynamics that captivate, limit, and motivate us, often all at the same time. These images are brought to light and clients are surprised by the hold they seem to have on the system and on their own choices. Sometimes, from the clarity of the physical expression of underlying dynamics and the unearthing of the subconscious interplay of loyalties and entanglements can emerge fresh possibilities for resolution.

But the images that seemed to follow some other type of law, however, both clear and inexplicable, drew their energy and their meaning in accordance with another conscience, with one that might be called the transcendent conscience. This conscience is all-encompassing and all-knowing; it is the one we are compelled by but cannot name. Perhaps this is the realm of the infinite container, which Hellinger calls the Spirit-Mind; perhaps it is God.

The given, of course, is that this container is always in place, not at our beck and call like something conjured up for convenience and then dismissed. However, some of the pieces of work in Maryland seemed to move naturally more into one realm than another. It was as though there were some issues that were best considered close to home, whereas others required the widest angle – even beyond our knowledge -- in order to find the place where reconciliation might be possible. In this other place, entanglements and loyalties and other dynamic configurations exist merely as moments in time, irregularities in the landscape of eternity. Such dynamics, which define some people’s entire lives, are known but not dwelled upon in the Spirit-Mind constellations, which do not focus on the dyadic relationship between self and others. Fluid, ongoing, and relentless, the Spirit-Mind contains everything all at once and judges nothing, ever. In this work, the facilitator finds his or her way to be open to this dimension, allowing time for it to unfold exactly as it is without embellishing or “correcting,” without even the impulse to interfere at any level.

The next question might be: Why work in this way? What does the client get? How does the facilitator benefit? Where is the group in it? The Constellation approach has always held that the facilitator stands in tune with the client’s system and, at the same time, on his or her own. The stance is not one of “good mother” or “good father”; it is a position of last place, where the facilitator serves simply as a guide for a time, stepping in and then withdrawing from the particular journey. The assumption of the Spirit-Mind as being a part of every field that emerges – sometimes a subtle presence, other times a noisier one – creates an expansiveness for both the client and the facilitator as they realize that they are not in control of events inside or outside of the given system. Instead, once the client’s question is posed, it hangs suspended against the backdrop of all that was and all that will be, and the facilitator simply waits for the essential insight to rise up.

Now, the insight that comes doesn’t necessarily make the client feel happy (that’s not within the facilitator’s control either), but it is always freeing. What is the movement of this system? What happened and how did it go on? With this knowledge, this “sight,” a client can, perhaps, lower his burden at his father’s feet, for example, or extricate herself from a conspiracy of sadness among the women. The facilitator understands in that moment what the task is and that it belongs to the client and not to the facilitator. Even beyond that though, the client can raise his or her eyes to look past the tangled knot that blocks the love close by and to rest his or her gaze on the farthest reaches of the farthest horizon -- beyond all that is familiar. There is the truth of what is near – who did what, who got hurt, who was able – and then there’s the larger truth of our deepest source just beyond the horizon line. In this light, the client and facilitator stand small and glorious, a part of everything but not themselves everything.

In Maryland, we sat witness to a man who, leaning heavily on a cane, moved slowly across the stage, across miles of regret and sorrow and anger and pain, into the sphere of the person who was responsible for the car accident that had caused his injury. Labored and deliberate, his steps brought tears to our eyes as we watched. But for me it wasn’t sentiment or sympathy that welled up; instead, it was overwhelming relief in not feeling those things, in knowing the rightness of his journey and that at its end this wounded man would be able to join with his other half to become whole again. He came to rest in front of the representative of the man who had hit him. He lifted him to his feet and wept deeply with him, and they melted into each other’s arms.

The extended sweep of this private image was outside of language, but one striking aspect was the lack of intervention. Hellinger’s inner stance was to simply be in tune with the entire truth from all sides, all at once, no one excluded from the question or the resolution. And once the initial image was allowed, resolution seemed to be a slow and irresistible destination. Perhaps we could imagine that Hellinger and everyone in that room shared an unspoken sentence: if we agree to allow this man’s body and mind to catch up with the soul’s reconciliation -- which took place immediately upon impact -- then everything can be connected, congruent, and at peace. What greater gift?

This elegant illustration of the Spirit-Mind dimension unfolded without “direction.” Within the expansiveness of this infinite container – of Hellinger’s open field of the Spirit-Mind – a movement of such radical integration could take shape that one could feel its power ripple down through multiple levels of body, mind, and spirit, shifting things forever more in the two systems. This healing was, on one level, for two men – victim and perpetrator -- and, on another, for all who inhabit both systems, even those not yet born.

In certain paradigms, we might press for our client to forgive or to confront. In others, we might encourage him to move on, to think of the future, to not look back. We might send him to a support group where he could share his story with other “victims.” We might provide medication to quiet his memory and his anger. All come from care but also from separateness. We feel separate from him, and see him as being separate from others, including the perpetrator; we see ourselves as separate from the perpetrator as well -- everyone is separated from resources beyond themselves and their good intentions.

When we are in tune with the Spirit-Mind dimension we know that we are not separate from others -- present, past, or even future. We are all moving inside containers within containers, all inside an infinite container that itself is always moving. When necessary, Hellinger’s perspective brings into crisp focus the Spirit-Mind, that which carries all of us and lies beyond the parameters of our understanding; other times, he leaves it as a fuzzy boundary requiring nothing of us in order to exist. Either way, this recent evolution of his work encompasses the knowledge of not-knowing as a formidable force to be acknowledged and respected, if not grasped and controlled.

The answer comes easily upon waking: One doesn’t define the Spirit-Mind, it defines us.